God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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