I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
