the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
