Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
