it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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