There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
