Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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