One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
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I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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