she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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