I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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