U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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