Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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