OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
