please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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