she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
