she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it hurts more in the daytime
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So vagazzling was a success
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
