two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
