My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
