what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
