Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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