He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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