Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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