he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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