I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
