toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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