moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
