He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
