did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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