There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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