I puked a lego.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your dick twin last night
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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