theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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