We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
