this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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