i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
