My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
