I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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