It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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