I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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