Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
