Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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