with your own penis?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
