rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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