Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
