Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
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If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
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Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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