I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
