We're facebook friends in real life
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
