Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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