yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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