You can't motorboat a personality
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
