I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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