How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
