dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
