I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
