I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Houston, we have a squirter
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
