She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
