i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
