adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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