So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
