Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
