it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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