Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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