The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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