I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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