I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
