I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
