'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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