I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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