I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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