omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
