I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
