you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
