Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
