In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My vagina just recognized that song.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
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