WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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