her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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