the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
